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BREAKING: ABBOTT SUMMONS FLORIDA MAN TO DEFEAT BETO
It's. About. To. Go. Down!
Straight off defeating a hurricane, Florida Man might come to Texas. A few nights back, Governor Greg Abbott addressed a not-very public fundraiser in Palm Beach, Florida, rolling with wealthy donor-classers. Apparently, it was so important he skipped town on a Trump rally to attend.
Per The Hill:
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) will be missing a rally held by former President Trump in his state due to a Florida fundraiser, the governor said in a statement on Tuesday.
“I welcome President Trump back to Texas, though I won’t be able to welcome him personally since I will be out-of-state for a pre-planned fundraising trip to Florida,” Abbott said.
Trump is traveling to the Lone Star State on Saturday to hold a rally in Robstown to support various candidates he has endorsed, including Abbott.
An attendee was kind enough to share his encounter with Hot Wheels over Instagram.
Unlike Beto, who begs New York and California druggies still reeling from monkeypox for lucre, Abbott goes to a rising red state known for defying lockdown demands. To his credit, this is among the few times he went out-of-state for donations. However, considering his playing hooky during a Trump visit (something no accused conservative would do), and socializing with influencers, Abbott might not care about funds. We believe money was a non-issue; he was recruiting Florida Man!
Just ponder for a second; if true, this is the most innovative strategy ever crafted in Texas Republican history. With Florida man as your ally, nothing is impossible. Not only could it land you an audition for Desantis’s running mate in 2024, but brings infinite benefits.
For instance, adequate fundraising would be guaranteed, as Florida Man is a top earner.
Antifa and BLM terrorists show up to attack a GOP event, or protect a drag queen pedophile beacon? Do not worry, Florida Man is perfect for crowd control, dispersing metrosexuals before they can spout mythical pronouns.
Florida Man would gladly enforce pro-life policies, saving more babies than most politicians combined.
Need an event planner to ensure high attendance? Florida Man’s got that covered.
Florida Man (or woman) can also galvanize Libertarian voters for your cause. What better way to assimilate Libertarians into your electorate than enlisting their Messiah?
The only drawback is he might fold quickly when Biden’s FBI Stasi comes knocking on Abbott’s door; they would not need a blackmail sex tape to induce cooperation.
This election season, Abbott needs all the help he can get, and Florida Man may perhaps save Texas from Californication this November. Beto has attempted to gather bigshots too, including Obamanism Pope T.D. Jakes, who regularly stops just short of belching the libtard shahada: “There is no God but Obama, and Brandon & Beto are his messengers!”
Remember to ask “What would Florida Man do (WWFMD)” before voting. Help him beat Beto, and transform Texas to a Florida-Manocracy. Soon, we will obtain the benefits of Florida residency, such as no lockdowns or porn books for kids, without leaving our awesome state.
The man has a plan; he is the hero we need, but not the one we deserve. Screw Santa; Florida Man’s coming to town!
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