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Great and Merciful Greg Abbott will let Jerry Jones Run His Business
Wonderful and gracious is the Chosen Leader of the Virus People, Gregory Wayne Abbott. For he hath come unto us, rolling down a ramp from on high, and he said unto us, “let there be football.” And so it was.
DALLAS — Get ready for watching some football in person, because Jerry Jones says you’re going to be able to this fall.
The owner of the Dallas Cowboys said Tuesday morning that he has been given the green light by Texas Gov. Greg Abbott to have fans in attendance at AT&T Stadium this season for Cowboys home games.
Glory to Gregory in the highest. For he hath allowed football to go forth. Even we, a wretched and virus-stricken people, have felt the tender mercy of Gregory Abbott’s omnipotent hand. Without the virus tests, we are weak, but through Greg Abbott we are strong.
The state of Texas has mandated that sporting events have no more than 50% capacity at their venues. The Cowboys have not specified what percentage of the stadium they intend to fill. The state of Texas has mandated that sporting events have no more than 50% capacity at their venues. The Cowboys have not specified what percentage of the stadium they intend to fill. But they clearly want fans in attendance.
Behold, the people doth sin in their ways against Abbott our governor. For their sin is that of a great and terrible plague. Therefore, be ye perfect even as Gregory in Austin is perfect. For do ye not remember that Abbott hath forgiven his enemies and blessed them with abundance?
Oh ye sick and perverse people. Ye claim to have want of football, but have ye forgot to seek first the word of Abbott? I say unto you, yea. Ye do forgot to seek out He who hath given you safe harbor from the Virus.
Oh ye children of the Virus, I exhort you to never forget whom you serve.