Brandon Issues Hurricane Warning For Texans

Use his one simple trick to avoid harm

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President Brandon called a special news conference today to warn Texans that the only way to avoid deadly hurricanes is to….get vaxxed.

While the vaxx has been proven both safe and effective, it turns out that the 5G nano bots that have been uploaded to everyone’s bloodstream offer even more protection. The nanobots send your location to CIA headquarters, where they can reroute their man-made hurricanes around you and your house.

But beware, there are some side effects to this vaxx, including Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS) and Vaccine-Induced-Homosexuality (VIH). So weigh your options, this might be the last vaccine you can actually choose to get.

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Turns out Alex Jones was right…again.