Democratic Satanists: The New Political Coalition in Texas

You heard it here first.

Following abortion being outlawed and God being invited back into the Texas Capitol, the Devil is now taking a page from the Tea Party playbook and attempting to grow a grassroots political movement to advance the Democrat agenda.

Across Texas, government meetings are being bombarded by Democrats shouting “Hail Satan,” and attacking the humble cell phone company Patriot Mobile.

In May, San Marcos allowed a representative of the Satanic Temple of Austin to give the “invocation” in a City Council meeting. It was mildly disturbing.

His words were profound in a fedora-tipping midwit sort of way. “Hey man,— *hits bong*— did you know, like, you can’t like, prove God?”

I can’t say it did much for me. However, the Satanist claimed on Facebook that he opened a portal to hell.

So now we have this portal to worry about, on top of everything else.

Hopefully Greg Abbott calls a special session so Nate Schatzline can close the portal before the women from San Marcos get any uglier.

The fact remains—even if we get this portal closed, we still have to deal with another hydra of the Satanic church: the Democratic Party.

The Satanic Temple guy from the San Marcos meeting is actually just an operative for the Democrats in Texas. He is one of Brandon’s 81 million voters.

Thankfully, it is becoming commonly understood that mainstream Democrat politics are indistinguishable from the doctrines of the Satanic Temple. For all intents and purposes, the “Satanic” part is just a fashion statement.

As the Republican Party increasingly sees openly and overtly-Christian Texans like Nate Schatzline of Fort Worth get elected to office, look for the Democratic-Satanists to replace Democratic-socialists as the trendy new thing for 2023-24.

After the portal to hell was opened, a woman who identifies as an apostate Christian appeared at a Keller ISD school board meeting to attack Patriot Mobile, Christians, the Bible, capitalism, Republicans, Republican economic policies, and gave a psychoanalysis of those who disagree with her, before finally attacking Patriot Mobile one more time and shouting “HAIL SATAN.”

She also said “school should be for all people, and gay people,” which made me laugh.

We need to get this portal to hell closed ASAP or else we will be dealing with more drag queens and people complaining about Patriot Mobile.