Cool DIY Abortion Ideas for Texas Women

The abortion industry has been canceled in Texas and the good times just keep on rolling.

Pimps of color are disproportionately having a blast under the new law, and citizens are taking action against illegal abortions in vigilante groups affectionately called Hoe Patrols.

But here’s the thing — abortion isn’t actually illegal. This is a BlueAnon conspiracy theory spread by ageist blogs like Living BIue who believe that you can kill babies based on how old they are.

In actual fact, you can do an abortion on yourself right now.

That’s right libs. We’ve created this helpful guide to help equip you with the tools and information to perform your own DIY abortion.

So go ahead, kill a little.

Here are some products to help you with your DIY abortion.

The 1972 Model

Never worry about batteries or passwords(?) again with this old standby

The Safe and Effective Model

Be sure and use the proper technique.

The Yellow Sucky Sucky Model

Be sure and get at least 5hp

The Complete Kit

Try and get the one with the most attachments.

The Smelter

Ultimate Revenge

The Two Stage

The industrial model for the extra ho.

The Organic Option

Pain means it’s working.

The Keto Option

Be sure to get the habanero.

The Safe Exit

Can be used over and over.

The Off-Label

In Development

Most do not expect this new abortion law to stand, because it turns our legal system into a nightmare where anybody can sue someone for some random thing with imaginary standing if lawmakers are crazy enough to do it. However, new and exciting anti-abortion “loopholes” are being considered by pro-life groups.

Hobby Lobby and Chick-fil-a partnered to develop technology to essentially turn yourself into the baby, and then terminate the mother. The technology is still in testing. Here is an artist’s rendering:

It’s unclear if a preemptive abortion will qualify for the $10k bounty.