EXCLUSIVE – Leaked texts show Lacey Hull confirming what we already knew about Speaker of the House Dade Phelan via leaked group messages today:

Normally we’d say this is big news but in reality it’s not. We reported our findings on Phelan’s tendencies back as early as December. Lacey also confirms that Dade Phelan is “a fucking psycho” which, again, we basically broke the story on as far back as February.

This is all very interesting considering Dade made a trip all the way out to Spring Branch to support Lacey in her campaign back in October.

Other interesting news to our team is that Lacey Hull confirms that Lt. Governor Dan Patrick is a “piece of shit” and also a “transvestite”.

This is very big news to us as our reporters had no idea Dan Patrick was actually trans. Although this does explain quite a bit based on outcomes from Austin recently.

This is all to say that we have a major problem down in Austin. The swamp is swampy. The politicians we send down there to represent us are drug addicts, alcoholics, adulterers, liars, and thieves. We have a problem in this country and it’s very clearly the lack of God and a Christian lifestyle.

We probably need to primary everyone and start from scratch.

The rest of the leaked texts can be found below.

Jizz pants is giggle, as is calling people faggots.

I still wish we had serious political thinkers in Austin instead of cowards, unserious hacks and bimbos.