In a surprise turn of events, the Covid-19 pandemic has come to an abrupt halt with Greg Abbott meeting with the Virus to negotiate terms of surrender.
Governor Abbott proved conservative hardliners wrong by staying the course with mandatory cotton face masks in public. Reports say the Virus became frustrated with its inability fly from people’s mouth’s completely unimpeded and lost its will to replicate. A spokesman for for the Virus Federation explained,
These 100% cotton masks proved devastating to the morale of our Virus cohorts. We Viruses pride ourselves in freedom of association, and we would rather die honorably than have our R0 value reduced to below our potential. We therefore retire from Virus activities effective immediately until a mutation can be developed.
Governor Abbott was happy with the outcome of the Virus War stating that he “knew the Virus would disappear if we all put the muzzles on.” When asked whether or not the first amendment of Texans would now be restored, Governor Abbott declined to comment.