Your Guide to Texas’ 88th Legislative Session

Are you ready for 88?

The beginning of the 88th legislative session is just a few weeks away. The voting machines have once again awarded Republicans the majority in the Texas House and Senate.

Want to follow along with our lawmakers yourself?

Bookmark the following 2 pages:

https://capitol.texas.gov/Reports/Report.aspx?LegSess=88R&ID=housefiled

https://capitol.texas.gov/Reports/Report.aspx?LegSess=88R&ID=senatefiled

You can see every bill that’s been filed in the House and Senate, as well as click on their number to read the bill text and track updates.

It’s gonna be LIT.

If this is going to be a successful session, it’s up to us to meme it into reality. Last session, known as the Great Screw Job Session of 87, was a complete disaster. It could, however, have been much worse.

Many people are saying “STATE OF HATE IN THE 88” should be the session motto as we advance the Republican agenda. This is very weak, quite frankly. I think we can do better.

The motto should be simple and practical. For example, we could encourage members of the legislature not to cheat on their spouses while in Austin.

PLEASE DON’T MATE IN 88

Is that one any good? I don’t know. All I know is I am ready for anything.

Literally anything.

ALL IN FOR 88

Yes, I like it.

Ban gay marriage, anyone?

ONLY STRAIGHT IN 88

Let’s put it to a vote. (again)

And since Texas independence is an easy solution to a number of our problems, we should always keep that card in our pocket.

SEPARATE IN 88

I would have like to used “confederate” but you’d have to pronounce it “confeder-ate.”

Oh well.

Again needs to be practical and certain.

TITILLATE IN 88

Is using a word that big racist? Many people are asking.

Speaking of, OK, hear me out on this one.

SEGREGATE IN 88

I think we can make it work. There is precedent.

As they say, the past is the best predictor of future results.

INSEMINATE IN 88

I think we may get some really weird stuff out of this session in the name if Christianity.

Write it down.

PONTIFICATE IN 88

If Republicans actually cared about the people of this state, they could be more hardcore and so something about the invasion instead of “invoking” things on Twitter.

REPATRIATE IN 88

Instead, we just see more of the same.

We’re being invaded and all these people who took the vaccine are dying suddenly. This is the same so-called vaccine the government told people to take.

Republicans just don’t care!

SECOND-RATE IN 88

We must boldly go where no man has gone before.

PENETRATE IN 88

Pro-family directions are a positive thing. We want pro-family laws.

MATE, DON’T ‘BATE IN 88

Up the birth rate in 88 is another one I can get behind.

And #1 most requested motto from people who work at the Capitol was somewhat expected.

SEDATE YOUR DATE IN 88

What’s it going to be? This is what many people are saying.

Once we decide on a motto we can confidently move forward.

Whatever happens, it’s certainty going to be weird. If history tells us anything, it’s going to be a lot weirder than anything here.