It’s true. We are all servants of dead men.

Disagree? Cite your source, and it better be peer-reviewed.

This is a winning position. All the Republican consultants I know are totally panicking, and my phone is ringing off the hook. They have no idea how to counter such popular messaging.

“Tommy, what are we gunna do bro? They’re gonna bring up the slaves Tommy.”

“I don’t know dude. Maybe try a pro-slavery angle?”

Think about it. We are literally slaves owned by the Founding Fathers, and I’m ready to denounce my masters.

New Texas Democrat Platform:

• Anti-Founding Fathers

• Anyone who is dead is gay and debunked

• Jesus Christ is irrelevant (at best) and probably needs to be erased

• Need to follow model of other, unspecified countries with dictator powers

• Can’t go on living in a world where people disagree with you (low key threat?)

• Unshackle from civilization and collapse into utopia

This is truly a masterful political agenda. Hopefully Joe Biden doesn’t pick up this platform. If he does, may very well get 181 million mail-in votes in 2024 because this is what the people want.